Now exatcly an early hour in the morning and here I am sitting in front of my computer, having another sleepless night *damn*. I was certain that I would get a nice sleep last night but I found out, laying in my bed, staring at my ceiling and I just couldn't get my eyes closed :(
I was thinking about so many things, things that have been happening these past weeks, good and bad. Things that makes me feeling uncomfortable, things that makes me go blush whenever I think about 'em, things that makes me feel a sudden rush, things that makes me go excited and things that makes me wanting everything else to stop. I flipped through my minds, like searching chapters that are missing and making sure that everything is there. These past weeks haven't been that bad at all except for one thing that I don't want to discuss aloud, I just want to keep it deep down in my heart and trying to break free from it.
I decided to stop my reverie and do stuffs that would pass the time. I decided to log on to friendster only to be met by a dissapointment that friendster was temporarily down for maintainance. I grabbed my magazine and decided to settle with it but I just couldn't. My minds are not at ease and peace.
I was being mean two forthnights ago, yesterday and today, not intenttionaly..why would I critize people the way I did today? I didn't have my damned rights. I am feeling upset now, willing to apologize. I should just keep my mouth perfectly shut like usually I do. Maybe I couldn't get my sleep 'cos I have been evaluating myself. Maybe I couldn't sleep because I haven't uttered my apologies to these people. Maybe I couldn't sleep because I feel guilty after all this time. What have I done to add the damage to everything? Why can't I just be perfectly normal, smilling young woman? I just don't understand myself sometime...I am just being a little nasty and that's very bad.
Now, it's 5:24 AM...I am still not sleepy, soon the sun will set and perhaps I will do a bit of jog and later I will try to get some sleep.
