It was just last year that I spent my New Year, freezed out in my hotel room, glancing at the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the infamous fireworks but to meet with dissapointment. All I could see was this big digital clock that was pasted on one of the highest tower in town. The clock started ticking and I waited anxiously, waited for the year 2005, hoping everything would be better (and my wish came true, it's been a better year than 2004). The weather was bloody cold that night, it was minus 5 and was snowing the day before which made the weather that day even worst! The snow didn't melt away, it stuck there, big block ices decorated the whole city. My dad, who promised to accompany me to see the fireworks, felt asleep. He didn't feel good the night before. My mom slept as well. It was only me, watching and sat silently as the year turned to 2005. Prayed inside my heart for all the tsunami victims, for the world, for world peace, for a healed and better world, then I prayed for all human beings in the world, to be loved by humans and for humans to stop hurting them and started to see they're afterall less perfect human beings who seeked for our loves. I continued my prayers for my family, for my dad to be more successful, for his burdens to be lifted up a bit, for his health and his happiness, for my mom to be the happiest woman in the world, to think less about other unimportant issues and to be protected all the times, to be strong and for her health. For my brothers, to be more successful in their careers, love lifes, their healths and their happiness. And finally I prayed for myself, a better life, a better love life, less problems, less conflicts, to be able to help and love my family until I am running out of loves (it will never happen!), to help others, to be forgiven of all my sins and last to be always up for something good :)

And here it is, today is the last day of 2005, how fast the time has flown, felt it was just yesterday that I said all those prayers. I am sitting here, in front of my brother's computer, typing something for my blog as today will be a silent new year for me. I am being accompanied by Kelly Clarkson's song, "Behind these hazel eyes", just exactly like how I have been feeling lately. My eldest brother is away at his girlfriend's place, celebrating the New Year there...My second brother is here at home with me except that he has his friends around plus his girlfriend, doing all this BBQ thing (he invited me though, I am just too lazy to gather my soul fully to be all merry and cherry). I have rejected an invitation to join this supposed to be crazy night out to celebrate the new year, hopping around the clubs. I am just not in the mood to do so. I am too lazy to be sandwiched by millions (ok maybe not millions, thousands to be exact) people around where I might not be able to breathe and move freely, sweating all over due to the heat and ruining the whole dolled up things I do before going. Not mentioning, to endure the traffic jam on the way home, and feeling tired and hang over on the first day of 2006. Eating out is not an option as well, with friend's family, it won't be fun, have to behave appropriately and lady-manner alike (which I am not willing to put up with tonight) plus the hassle of going home afterwards. Traffic can be blamed but the major crime here is my heart. It's my heart that won't coorperate with me tonight to celebrate the last day of 2005. This might be the first year ever for me to celebrate the new year silently at home. It might not be the last. I don't know what will happen next year. It doesn't matter to me whatever will happen next year.

Perhaps, saying li'l prayers for the world is what I will be doing tonight when the clock strikes midnight. I have Spanky here at home, I have my nanny :) Ah well, I am in Singapore, a party town I have to call this place, after all, the best thing to do here is to party and to be cuddled by the loved ones :)

Anyway now I am busy writing down my resolution for 2006, some that I have written down earlier were : to stop partying, ok not entirely stopping, just reducing the amount of attending social funtions, to stop doing all my bad habits, though bad habit die hard but I know they're stoppable, thinking less of the unimportant matters, to be more goal-oriented, and last but not least, to start thinking about my future for God's sake, I will be 26 in 2006 and yet I am not ready for any exclusive commitment. Ok, the list will grow longer than what it is I believe ;)

In advance, I wanna say "Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2006 will bring you all the lucks and happiness and it will be a better year than 2005"

Seems like just yesterday

here i am, once again

Anyway, seen Narnia and I must tell ya, it's a good xmas movie! Loves the scenery and the story. The only part I hated the most was the part where Aslan sacrified himself to save Edmund and his fur had to be shaven off rudely by the bad creatures of the queen and he was left there alone, death. Lucy and Susan could only see from a distance without doing anything! Like I wanted to shout at them to run for help! Geezzzzzz....Anyway it's a good one, seriously!

Anyway the spirit of giving is here, let's give loves and prayers to everyone in the world. And let me begin to draft my resolution for the year 2006.

Il Divo (UK 1st November 2004):

1. Unbreak My Heart (Regresa A Mi) --> Very good :)

Several days later, I met the same message that's written across my screen. The email and the password didn't match. I nearly screamed in agony. I CAN'T RECALL MY PASSWORD! hiks hiks hiks...it's been like 3 weeks now? I had tried to click the link "forgot your password?", yeah they asked me the clue I wrote and who remembers the clue? Dang...

Either I need to re-create an account or just forget about friendster. Ironic.

So there ya go, I went for clubbing last night (it's not a sin, it's just a way to have fun and enjoy your time whilst you can!). Meeting new friends and checking out this oh-so-hot-club-and-winner-of-some-blah-blah and I can't really agreeing that much. Not that it's a bad and dingy club, it's a good one but it's not to my expectation. It could have been better. I like the sofa parts (reminding me of the club @ my hometown) but I don't like the fact that they don't really provide you with chairs even though you reserved a table. That was not hot at all! The decoration was alright. The crowds, though, was unbelivable! So crowded that I was sandwiched through this large group of people and I could barely move! The best part of this club, I must say, they divided the concept into two. One for craze fans of disco fiesta and another for those live-band big fans (I am one!). I was quite taken aback when I realised there's this live room and the music was sooooooo great! Only that I couldn't hold on to my urge to go to the restroom to pass on something small (I nearly wet my pants!). When I returned, the band had finished performing :( The lack of restrooms! That was worse...I had to Q like 10 min? Yesterday happened to be someone's bday, someone stranger, someone I didn't even know and I didn't even know who the birthday boy was! Anyway free entrance as the b'day boy reserved a table and free drink as well. I gulped like 2 glasses of Green tea mixed with Chivas. First drink was definitely more like I drank green tea, second one was a bit of knock-out as I felt my skins burned to red. No, I was sober all the time, I wasn't drunk or anything ;) Back home by 2+

Here I am now, just finished showering, feeling a bit tired and sleepy (Told ya, I am officialy senile now!). Typing nothing but my finance and listening to some Il Divo and I have to tell ya they are fantastic! Try to listen to their songs...none are bad! They earn BIG FIVE STARS!

My best friend is coming later on today, hopefully I will be able to catch the old times. How I have missed the old days! I met a friend whom I befriended whilst I was in Australia yesterday. We had fun doing all the shopping and well, how time has changed both of us, the way we viewed the world. She changed a lot, though, she is becoming like me! huahauahuaa...this was she said to me yesterday, "After awhile, I began to think what you said to me. I ditched the old me and I followed you and here I am today." It's not a really bad thing (what I mentored her to be!), seriously. She is 2 years my junior, so eventually I know that one day she would change to be who she is today. It's not because what I said, it's her getting wiser and older. It's just that she took it drastically, even more than me...just need to be a bit careful but I know she will manage just find :) Good luck, babe!

Oh, my cousins are leaving for the States today! Awwwwww how merry it is to spend xmas and NY there! Lucky people :)

Here it's the spirit of x'mas

Capture the intensity of romance and let the stars be the witnesses to your love The beautiful design-patented brilliant starburst can easily be seen gazing at you when viewed through The StarGazerTM. Let this unforgettable brilliance take your breath away.

Further details visit : Celestial

My mind started travelling about the upcoming xmas and new year. Wanna spend close to special someone but I don't know if I can do that. I started to worry, worried what if I couldn't, worried what if I couldn't extend my stay as I had already planned it and I had to travel again like last month without any notice? What if I made someone dissapointed again? Xmas and NY are two special times to celebrate with the love ones. They are special festives and I must say I am more anxious about xmas and NY rather than Val's Day. I don't even plan to spend Val's Day next year with the special person, I just treat it like any other day...but these 2 must be spent with that person :(

I always believe that the closing year brings something special to everyone's life. If you can spend that very last day with people you love, then you realise that you haved lived another year of your life and so did the people around you. You begin a new life and new resolution to your life. You don't even know if that next year, you still be able to spend the whole 365 days on earth and so are the people you love. I have to say on 31st of Dec is the day you shall praise and give thanks to the Lord.

Thus, I wanna spend this xmas and NY with "someone". God, please help me...permit me to stay still where I am now until the NY so that I can spend this special year with this special person in my life. I believe in You, Lord God. Amen.

Anyway since I cried so badly 24-hr ago (yeah it's 10 to 4 in the morning now), I couldn't sleep. Tried to rest my minds but they kept rolling like crazy! I left out a big sigh and I went downstairs, trying to make a cup of hot tea. I said, "Yeah perhaps it will calm me down a bit. After all it's no good tossing around in my bed and start being a paranoid!" I got the cup, the luke-warm water and everything ready, the only problem was, I couldn't find the tea! Speaking of a girl who despises kitchen as I despise snakes, here it is! I don't even know where all the teas are being kept! I went rummaging the whole storages, up and down - up and down, I got a bit frustated by the end of my search and was still empty-handed. I gave up and I searched for a substitute, there ya go, I found this Hersey chocolate. Though, it was for making a chocolate cake, a desperate call, I read the instruction and it said yeah I could make a cup of hot chocolate. I open the lid (it was brand new) and was ready to get 3 teaspoons of the choco powder then it struck me, I might not have any decent low fat milk left! I checked on my fridge, and it confirmed my biggest fear. I shouted, "Damn! Everything doesn't seem to go my way!" I put back all the ingredients and hey I saw a Low fat chocolate milk! It was cold so I began to heat it up. Apparently, all my actions (about opening and closing the storages and making some noises) woke my helper up. She asked me what I was doing as early as 4.30 in the morning. I looked up at the clock, I stared in disbelieve...that whole fiasco finding the tea bags and everything had gone for an hour at least! I explained to her that I couldn't sleep even though I was feeling very very tired, so I heated up some milk to help me get a good sleep. She asked me why I couldn't sleep and kept looking for possible problems. I couldn't tell her I just had had a good cry or that I was feeling so not right out of the blue! She might think I went nuts! Then she came up with a suggestion to why I failed to get myself a sleep, it's the book I had been reading! She said it might be eerie or creepy. I said non-sense, it was not a thriller, it was more into science fiction (Digital Fortress by Dan Brown). She accompanied me there whilst I sipped my hot chocolate and we started telling each other stories. Around 6, I began to feel tired and she said I really needed some rest. I agreed and went back to my room and only then I realised the milk I had been drinking was in a matter of fact, expired! No wonder, it tasted sour! speaking of depression! :p

I got myself around 4-5 hours of sleep before heading to my friend's place (after shower of course!) to get the Ipod. I went down for a bit of shopping but ya know I was not in a really good shopping mood. All I could find was a blue cap and 2 pieces of undies. I was desperate to get something to read but there wasn't any nice books around except that Asia Marketing (I am still eyeing on that book but it's bloody expensive!).

I went home, somehow feeling empty handed (even though I wasn't!) and asked my helper if she wanted to have dinner with me 'cos I wanted to eat something heavy. In the end, we ate fried rice. Good full dinner led me to my comfy bed and ok I don't exatcly get good sleep cos now I am wide awake! Perhaps this "The Rule of Four" can help me to sleep :)

I hope I will start the day today better than yesterday. Babe, just be patient! I was a bit in my own lala land yesterday ;p

My nanny woke me up around 3 in the morning, took a quick shower and by 3.30am, left home, escorting my aunt to the airport. Bloody hell with the queue and my line was cut by these annoying people. Anyway the check-point was very strict and I gotta wait outside the line until everything was clear and my aunt was wheeled with the wheel chair to go inside the gate.

From the airport, we stopped by supermarket...I bought this cute li'l soft toy, a miniature of Spanky..and I caught a glimpse of this new PDA, called 'Dopod 900', quite pricey, it's around $1897 but with 128MB memory and free bluetooth and SD memory card. I did think about selling my XDA in exchange with Dopod 900 but come to think of it, I don't really need a very high tech gadget at the mo. I need to save a lot of money for another business venture in the future. Ok that's a positive attitude! huahuahuahaua

P.S: By way by, whilst waiting the clock to turn to 3, I watched this show: "The Mentalist : Gerry McCambridge" and seriously this show does the mind trick...check it out @ The Mentalist.