It was just last year that I spent my New Year, freezed out in my hotel room, glancing at the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the infamous fireworks but to meet with dissapointment. All I could see was this big digital clock that was pasted on one of the highest tower in town. The clock started ticking and I waited anxiously, waited for the year 2005, hoping everything would be better (and my wish came true, it's been a better year than 2004). The weather was bloody cold that night, it was minus 5 and was snowing the day before which made the weather that day even worst! The snow didn't melt away, it stuck there, big block ices decorated the whole city. My dad, who promised to accompany me to see the fireworks, felt asleep. He didn't feel good the night before. My mom slept as well. It was only me, watching and sat silently as the year turned to 2005. Prayed inside my heart for all the tsunami victims, for the world, for world peace, for a healed and better world, then I prayed for all human beings in the world, to be loved by humans and for humans to stop hurting them and started to see they're afterall less perfect human beings who seeked for our loves. I continued my prayers for my family, for my dad to be more successful, for his burdens to be lifted up a bit, for his health and his happiness, for my mom to be the happiest woman in the world, to think less about other unimportant issues and to be protected all the times, to be strong and for her health. For my brothers, to be more successful in their careers, love lifes, their healths and their happiness. And finally I prayed for myself, a better life, a better love life, less problems, less conflicts, to be able to help and love my family until I am running out of loves (it will never happen!), to help others, to be forgiven of all my sins and last to be always up for something good :)

And here it is, today is the last day of 2005, how fast the time has flown, felt it was just yesterday that I said all those prayers. I am sitting here, in front of my brother's computer, typing something for my blog as today will be a silent new year for me. I am being accompanied by Kelly Clarkson's song, "Behind these hazel eyes", just exactly like how I have been feeling lately. My eldest brother is away at his girlfriend's place, celebrating the New Year there...My second brother is here at home with me except that he has his friends around plus his girlfriend, doing all this BBQ thing (he invited me though, I am just too lazy to gather my soul fully to be all merry and cherry). I have rejected an invitation to join this supposed to be crazy night out to celebrate the new year, hopping around the clubs. I am just not in the mood to do so. I am too lazy to be sandwiched by millions (ok maybe not millions, thousands to be exact) people around where I might not be able to breathe and move freely, sweating all over due to the heat and ruining the whole dolled up things I do before going. Not mentioning, to endure the traffic jam on the way home, and feeling tired and hang over on the first day of 2006. Eating out is not an option as well, with friend's family, it won't be fun, have to behave appropriately and lady-manner alike (which I am not willing to put up with tonight) plus the hassle of going home afterwards. Traffic can be blamed but the major crime here is my heart. It's my heart that won't coorperate with me tonight to celebrate the last day of 2005. This might be the first year ever for me to celebrate the new year silently at home. It might not be the last. I don't know what will happen next year. It doesn't matter to me whatever will happen next year.

Perhaps, saying li'l prayers for the world is what I will be doing tonight when the clock strikes midnight. I have Spanky here at home, I have my nanny :) Ah well, I am in Singapore, a party town I have to call this place, after all, the best thing to do here is to party and to be cuddled by the loved ones :)

Anyway now I am busy writing down my resolution for 2006, some that I have written down earlier were : to stop partying, ok not entirely stopping, just reducing the amount of attending social funtions, to stop doing all my bad habits, though bad habit die hard but I know they're stoppable, thinking less of the unimportant matters, to be more goal-oriented, and last but not least, to start thinking about my future for God's sake, I will be 26 in 2006 and yet I am not ready for any exclusive commitment. Ok, the list will grow longer than what it is I believe ;)

In advance, I wanna say "Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2006 will bring you all the lucks and happiness and it will be a better year than 2005"

Seems like just yesterday

here i am, once again