Cecilia : So kamu jadi dateng tomorrow?

That's what we most talked about. Then another friend of mine in Beijing said 'hi' so ya know from I wanted to go online for only 10 min became an hour and so and more and more of

Through him, I made a friendship with this girl and the weirdest thing was that few years later, this girl became the girlfriend of my former classmate whom happened to be one of my good friends from junior high!! How weird it is!

And two days ago, K called me after learning I was sort of in trouble with love, ok well not really in big trouble, just some problems that has been clogging my minds lately, like a plane experiencing small turbulent? Bumpy ride! :0

We discussed about loads loads of issues and let me tell ya, that was the first time I ever really spoke to him, I meant it was the first time I'd ever heard his voice and yet we were like old friends who had been talking on and off the phone for several times! The conversation was basically about us growing up and a bit confused about the future. He gave me some advices that I sought after. We talked about our break-ups and how we always ended up with the "not-so-right" person in our lives. It's like lifting a bit burden outta my head I must say. It was enlighting and delightful (can I say a conversation to be delightful?). And before we realised it, it was like 6 in the morning and 10.30pm at night in the Netherlands! I hadn't caught any sleep and he hadn't had his dinner! huahuahaua We ended the conversation and seriously for the whole day of that day, I was struggling to keep my eyes open and to keep my mind focused on things that my relatives talked about with me! *yawning* Anyway, thanks K!

Beside K, there are few other of my friends whom I wanna address the 'thank you' to...AD, Ray, Sil, Btc, Fan, Stw, Ven and Drew (it seems like I delivered an award acceptance speech! hihihi)...these people do care a lot and I really appreciate your attentions, guys! Thanks for making me smiling again today :) I guess there are plenty reasons to smile and yet I didn't realise it until one of ya reminded me of that...

The season of love is about to be unleashed, what am I hoping for this year?

Ah well, I didn't receive a lot of hong bao this year sob sob sob :'( but I should still be blessed no matter how small amount of money I received.

I wanna write something longer but the lack of sleep really makes my brains do not funtion properly! I need to get some more hours of sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Here I am, sitting in my parents' balcony, looking @ the scenery outside and doing what I am not supposed to do. From here, I can see this one spot I have always admired. It's a big landscape, very green and so peaceful. How I wish I were that landscape, it's alright if people do not take a notice of me being a landscape but it's better than what I am today.

First thing that I can say here is that I grow tired of my life. I am tired being misjudges by people surround me, tired of what I have become that is a big FAILURE! That's right, I am one of the good example failure. I feel my life is worthless. I'm tired that all my ambitions have been killed off by the lack of supports from people I trust and I thought who would support me no matter what.

I've never taken a fortune teller's words for real until this one has been proven to be right. I remembered what he mentioned to me last year which surely I didn't think it was true back then. This what he told me, "Surely, I cannot see any jobs that will fit for you as your main drawback is your parents. They are not allowing you to work, as simple as that. Whatever you do is fruitless."

Now, come to think of it, years ago, I wanted to set up a business of my own, a wedding planner. It looked as if I would get the support, only that my parents told me to wait after my brother's business to be developed. I waited and waited. Then, I realised another business plan that might did some good to Surabaya, a fashion magazine. I saw it as one of a big opportunity there. I didn't get the support for that (now it's booming and I wasn't wrong to predict that years before). I must say my brother's business didn't go as he had planned. I don't want to declare him as a failure when he doesn't do that on his own. Failing is not wrong, it is a way to learn to be more creative in business and it is not easy. He just doesn't work as hard as I have expected all of these years. I wish he would set a better example as he's the leader (my mom often says that). And surprisingly, he blamed his lack of spirit for working towards me apart from my dad. Saying that I didn't work hard enough, I didn't learn well enough, I was always late for work and I didn't understand about the scope of the job well. If only he knew, how many times I missed my weekends whenever he's not around 'cos I got off from work at 9pm instead of the usual 5pm, how I woke up at 6am to prepare things, how I went to the "samsat" and I was the only chinese girl and those people shouted racist abused and verbally abused me, how I went from all women magazines to those car magazines and how everytime I meet my guy friends, I am trying to keep my information up to date about the latest cars and so on...how I am trying to persuade my friends to be the clients. If only he knew and appreciated me just a bit rather than making me as the blacksheep of the business.

Anyway I am not discussing about his business or particulary him here. I just want people to understand that I did try to fix things in life but I grew tired when all my roads were blocked away. It's painful to be asked by people, "You are not working, are you?" and adding insult to the injury, some even goes by "Don't you think it's sad that you hold a degree and can't get a job?" I used to say proudly that "I am working for my brother!" But nowdays, since people regard that as a 'leisure time to do rather than just sleeping at home' and not as proud as I was + I found out that I am like a tumour my bro perhaps wish to remove me just doesn't dare to do so, my answer has turned into,

"Yeah I don't work. Isn't it great?"
Then goes to the next question, "So what do you usually do?"

"What I do for living is shopping, fishing out some good guys around and hoping that along the way my prince will come and rescues me from this dreadful life I am in."

Anyway, I am done with the highlight stuff and to tell ya the truth, it doesn't make any big difference between pre-highlight and post-highlight. My hair looks about the same. I am pretty dissapointed but ah well, I will leave my hair the way it is and will done something better with it later on in the next few months, as there is nothing I can do for now and I am afraid I will cause some damage to my hair had I changed the color again.

After completing the task of highlighting my hair, I went to "Sunny Bookshop" in hoping to find "Geisha of Gion" but unfortunately they're running out of stock for that book, instead I head down to Kinokuniya and did spot one. I remembered that I still had my "Gift Voucher" from my bro's girlfriend as a Christmas gift, so I called "Borders" and phew, they carried the book. I rushed down to Borders and hey now, the book is in my hand, only that I haven't read it yet ;p I might save this book until later so that I have something to read back home.

I actually have 2 other books I haven't finished reading, they are "The Rule of Four" (a bit mad for this book. I purchased the 'silver edition' whilst a week later, it comes out in 'gold edition!' arghhhhh) and "Asia's Star Brands"

...I might read Asia's Star Brands as it's quite thick and I don't think I will bring it back home as I am intending to bring back some of my Japanese magazines (ya know how bloody thick they are!). I asked my sister to get me some from Shanghai 'cos it's cheap in Shanghai! Costing only 20 yuan or something! That's wayyyyyyyyyyyyy so cheap comparing here, it costs around $18+ per magazine (except if ya buy the 2nd shipping, the price is down by $2-$3).

Chinese New Year is coming very very very soon. Spanky might join the contest here huhuhuhu, hopefully he will win something ;0...for now I will leave ya with a pic from a tv show that I am currently addicted to, call me weird, but I just love this tv show

Anyway, my hair turns not that bad though I am not perfectly satisfied with the color, just a bit brighter than my previous color. I am thinking of highlighting it later on today, after ya know a bit of shopping (I just wanna get this eyeshadow in the shade of olive that I just purchased my sister for)...and of course wanna drop by F21 (this shop is bloody irresistible! --> this word definitely reminds me of Luke of Brisbane..it's like his catchphrase of the year! hahaha) and hoping there is nothing that attracts my eyes!

Often, when I write something for my blog, I get mislead of the topic I originally wanna write here. After pouring some thoughts, I get distract by something else (like browsing, work, reading or just bloody anything) and by the end of the day, after hitting the word "Publish Post", then I remembered "Dang, I was supposed to write something more important than mundane stuffs!" but ya see, I am just too lazy to create a new post again, and here it is, procrastination invades me, "Ok, will do that tomorrow," said me which never happen to be tomorrow or any other days!

Distraction has never done people any good, has it? I am easily get distract by any slightest li'l thing which I find it quite annoying, ya know. When I did my college back in 99, every morning, I managed to torture myself by signing up those classes early in the morning so that maybe when I attended these morning classes, there wouldn't be so many distraction as in late afternoon. How wrong I was! Beside trying so hard to keep my eyes wide open, my mind started drifting away to various places. Where I would have breakfast after the classes, what I would do in the afternoon after I was done with all my classes, when I would get my monthly pocket-money from my parents, why I didn't do this and that and how to save my money for things I wanted whilst I didn't have much of 'em and so on....Without even realising it, what I jotted down on my notes was not the lesson I absorbed from my lecturers by my plan for the day! After the classes ended, I was like "Man, what was the lecturer talking about????" In the end, my friend named Happy suggested I might catch up what I had missed by viewing the recorded lectures which ya all can imagine how boring it was! I did what she said and it's even worse! I always met bunch of friends in the library (They didn't go to library to study, they went there for the sake of the Air-con!) and ended up chatting with 'em and went to the mall straight away. Now, I wonder how I managed to get my degree without failing ;p Due to the prosperity luck or something I must say. Though, I will say my life has not always been 'smooth sailing' but surely, it's not that bad after all. Speaking of my life, let's see what is good being me and what is the dismerit about being me, shall we?

The merits about being Cecilia:

The dismerits about being Cecilia:

Satisfied reading the book, I dyed my hair...in the shade of coral pink. I have no idea how it will turn up as my hair is still wet and I don't fancy using hair-dryer. From what I have seen so far, it doesn't turn out the way I want it to be but I am keeping my fingers cross that it will turn up quite good (oh hopefully!). My original plan was to dye my hair 'strawberry blonde' but ya know a friend said I might not look that good in that shade and it's very "bule"...I will post a pic of my new hair shade as soon as my hair dry.

P.S: Memoirs of a Geisha is also known as "Die Geisha" in German.

P.S.S: And now I want my contact lens back...Inspired by Sayuri, I want to get a gray contact lens (I was wearing violet few years back and believe me had trouble just putting them on! nearly late for a date back then hehehehe)

I will continue my blogging later as my friend just rang me up for another shopping spree xoxo :)

Wondering what the hell I was talking about with my friend on the phone until 8.30am? hehehe well obviously we discussed about everything! Food, love, comic books, tv shows, actors and actresses and so on. Kinda crazy but it was fun though :) It's like the old time where we chatted on the phone and forgot all about the time and when both of us opened our curtains, it was already bright and the sun was up! Skipping classes etc :p

So I wanted to catch my beauty sleep in the morning. I went up to my room after giving Spanky a bit more of bread. Around 9 am, I was already asleep. I was hoping to get at least 5-6 hours of sleep but ah well, my phone kept buzzing me with all these smses. It's just quite annoying sometime when you hardly can open your eyes and people waiting impatiently for the replies. After I finished replying all the smses, I couldn't continue my sleep. I decided to take a shower and went out for a while, refreshing aka shopping! After all I have 20% off for Forever21, one of my fav brands by far.

Arriving at the Orchard, well I expected what I saw, less crowds (after a public holiday yesterday), tried some tops @ Forever21. I was dying for this sequined top but it was kinda expensive so I decided to rethink about buying it. Next stop, I went to Mango, checking out their new collections and I loveeeeeeeeeeeeee this lace-top bustier in cream! It's a corset type. Gosh, it's pricey too, around $125...

Anyway, I wanna read my magazine and probably catching a bit of sleep before watching season finale of CSI Miami later on tonight and America's Next Top Supermodel ;) Here, I leave ya all with Spanky's pictures in his new stylish jumper after his illness (that is to keep him warm, a bit tight on him hehehe)

God, please give me what I have been praying lately. Please make it to be smooth sailing. Give me all the lucks that I need and I believe in You, God. Amen.

First of all, I do hate, let me restated my sentence: I HATE people who are preying onto my life! Who wants to know every single little thing I do. Whom I date, what my status is for now (single or dating or perhaps married or divorced?), where I am going on the weekends and what I do for living. I don't even want to know about other people's private lives, why you wanna know mine? Are ya deprived of any hot gossips around the globe? If you are, let me suggest ya some stuffs to do, pick magazines or books and do go read to kill your times or mind your own fucking business, mind you.

Whoever I date, or if I am being unfaithful to my partner, that is my sin not yours. I can date whoever I wanna date and it's not a thing that you need to discuss behind my back. Or if I am being unfaithful to my partner, if I chose to do so, then let it be that way. Why bothers to find out or to straight things up when I want it to bend?

My status is for me to know. Either I am in a relationship or single, that is none of your business. If I wanna say I am single then it's me who is saying it, it won't affect your life. If I wanna say I am currently having someone special in my life, it's my life still and it's my life that is special because of this someone...why cares? If I chose not to tell you anything, then don't ask. I don't consider sharing my romantic life with people whom I am not close with. I share my love life with my best friends, not to publics. If I didn't say a thing, then remember you are not my good friends to let me owe you some explanation! Geez get a life, will ya?

For about I stay at home every day or going out every day, both are my bloody business. Don't even ask me a stupid question like "You are not going out today?" hinting that I might drop the bomb by telling you "Oh yeah, my boyfriend will show up in a min, wanna check him out? cos you are deprived of seeing him" Bloody hell, why don't ya ask yourself, why you are not going out today?

About my job, I don't give a shit about people who give nasty comments. Even though I work my ass off every day, I still get questions like "Why don't u go and get a job?" Yeah right, every day, I am in my lala land. Helping parents = sleeping at home every day, to some idiots! I recently spat at someone who asked me that question. I said to this person "Well if you think helping out family business can't be considered as working then I don't know how people classify this : you wake up in the morning, working until late hours and sometime you miss out most of your weekends because you still have works to do. You make sure the business running smoothly. Now you don't consider that to be working then is it a holiday?" I asked him that, he couldn't answer it and just said he must agreed that it is a work. Then I said think before you blurted out anything stupid next time. I have been receiving the same question again and again. People,do stop commenting about my life. If you can't grip something for yourself, then shit your own life! What I do for living is my damn business. Don't say things like "Oh it's sad that you get a degree and you can't get a proper job!" I don't buy that lame statement. I wanna see after you outta school, what you can do with your life...can you do better than I am? I wanna see. You see it I am working or I am not working, I don't care. Stop questioning me about my life. I know what I do. But perhaps you don't know what you do?

What I read is what I want to read. Whether it contents some sexual explicit things or whatever, it is me who reads it. If you feel bothered by it, then don't prey on what I read!

Are you a loser or are you just being a pain in the ass?

Anyway, today, I suffered from a blackout, it was only few seconds I must say. I didn't feel well earlier on, so after having my lunch, I went back to my bed (I was shivering cold, perhaps due to the climate...it's been raining like mad lately). I was awaken by the sound of TV, my nanny watched this Indonesian show in my room (her TV is having a bit technical problem I must say). So I still laid in my bed for few more minutes and decided to take a shower 'cos I promised my mom to get her this shirt. As I was on my way to the bathroom (it's right half way from my room), I suffered a bit of headache and I couldn't really breathe. I leaned on the wall, cos it's not the first time happened to me, hoping I would be ok soon. But, strange thing happened, all I could remember was that I shivered and had difficulty breathing and the next minute, there I was sitting on the floor and everything went back to normal. I didn't remember of having to sit down, I was a bit confused, the very last position was I leaned on the wall. I stood up and walked to the bathroom. Had I just suffered from a blackout or something? I know I haven't been well lately...been suffering from breathing difficulty and sudden blackouts but I don't think it's dangerous or anything serious. Ah well I hope I will be alright :)

I've been 'fish-tycooned' lately! huahuahaua concentrating on this game like mad!